Thoughts on Turning 27

As a child I used to consider the number 27 is when someone becomes an adult.

I used to look at people aged 27 and think, how do they still fit in this small world I live in? I used to think they must have everything figured out. You'd never worry when you are with a 27 year old person cause no matter what drops on you they can bring you out of it. Even if you're lost somewhere in the woods they'd still find a way out without a single worry on their faces.

27 was an age of giants.

27 felt like a lifetime away.

27 was exciting, I wished I could be 27.

Now that I am here I realise that even when I look at an 85 year old man with white hairs and a white beard, a limp in his walk and a crack in his voice I know he still hasen't figured out shit. I grew up to know that this world is bigger than everybody, and no matter how long you spend in it you will never ever have it figured out, you would always be that little girl in the woods with faith that someone somewhere will find a way out for you, until then you wander.

Here I am, on my 27th anniversary with life, upon an earth that loves its inhabitants and they give no fuck about it, upon people who would sell the kind bit of their soul for power, upon a world ruled by conspiracy theories and uncertainty, through a time of war, illness and hate. I stand here in the middle of it all, and can't help but think what good am I here? what difference do I make?

I woke up this morning hoping I would get dressed and go to work where I do something that I love without having to pick up a mask on my way out, hoping I would drive my car through the spark of the morning sun, knowing the world is okay, my family is okay, my friends are okay. But none of that is true. The world is still the ugly place I slept in yesterday, and celebrating today is honestly just cheers to myself for surviving through the world this far, and cheers to all the family and friends who helped me through it.

But since a birthday is a milestone, I want to set new goals. This year, I want to show my emotions more, I want to look after myself more, I want to learn to let go more, I want to learn to grow more, I want to put my family and friends first more, I want to chase after my own dreams, or at least try to.

Here's to another year with life, hope it goes well.